How do you read books? Well, I'll let you in on a little secret: There's more to reading than just sitting down, opening up a book, then reading it straight away. This is going to be a step-by-step tutorial on how to read books PROPERLY, like the fabulous bookworm you are!
Be warned: This book is half-serious, half-my-brain-is-fried-someone-stop-me-from-talking. Mehehe.
1. Prepare your battle equipment.
Keep these on a beside table in case of the following Code Red emergencies!
In case of over-excitement/hyperventilation:
- A paper bag you can blow into
- A friend you can fangirl to (you might want to get them some earplugs too)
- A phone to announce your excitement on Twitter (remember to use ALL CAPS)
In case of tears:
- A box of tissues
- A box of the yummiest chocolates
- A bush to hide behind if you're in public
In case of frustration:
- A stress ball
- A pillow you can scream into
- A friend whose hand you can crush
2. Find a reading spot that's juuuust in between "so-squishy-I-want-to-sit-here-forever" and "I-need-to-stand-up-every-five-minutes-bc-my-butt-hurts." Then sit on it.
Yes, I do like Goldilocks.
I don't know about you, but reading on super fluffy beds or couches does not work out well for me. I usually end up falling asleep, or can't read straight because I want to fall asleep. And hard chairs make it so hard to focus because I need to adjust my sitting position every couple of minutes.
3. Stick a "Must not be disturbed" sign on your forehead.
You can also opt for the classic Sharpie message. Buy an LED screen with those scrolling texts and place instead if you want to go big. Hollywood marquees are equally dazzling.
Alternative: Get one of my DO NOT DISTURB: READING IN PROGRESS items. I actually have stickers of this that you may or may not stick on your forehead. Shameless self-plug, I know.Want to make sure no one disturbs you while you read? @aimeereads offers an awesome solution! Click To Tweet
4. Open your book. Take a sniff.
If it smells good, you're good to begin. If it doesn't, you must've done something wrong to the Book Gods. Consider meditating; they might bless you with a perfectly functional nose.
5. Read, read, read!
In this step, you should also consider screaming, fangirling, crying, bookmarking, hugging, leaving sticky notes, and getting married to a book boyfriend. All of these are optional, of course.
6. Think about the book for the next bajillion hours. If it's a good book, lose some sleep.
Again, optional. WE CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH. And your sanity. You shouldn't think too long about a book you didn't like (actually, even a book you did like) will make you go nuts.
Also consider eating some desserts and chocolate cake to heal your exploding heart, and/or veggies to restore your mind that has just been blown.
7. If the book was good: Recommend it or review it!
Doesn't matter if the book's a backlist book, if it's a shiny new release, or an advanced reader's copy. If you liked it, TELL SOMEBODY ABOUT IT. This is why I have a Goodreads account and this blog–some really good books deserve recognition, but not a lot of them get it!
Even if you don't have a Goodreads account or blog to share your love for a certain book, think about passing it on or lending it to a friend who might love it!